Surgery day ( 03/27/2014)

Surgery day (03/27/2014) At 5:00am thursday morning after a restless night we started the most anticipated day for us, since 2009... The kidney transplant surgery for Olivia. The night before around 8:00-8:30 dr. Steinke came & gave us the amazing news that Olivia not only was getting one of those kidneys but once they compared the ages she was the youngest in their region which bumped her to 1st place on the list ( meaning that our dr. had also THE 1-st. choice on the best out of the two kidneys) Once they rolled her down to the pre-op room things moved very quick. Olivia was really scared, anxious & upset and that made the process more painful. All that lasted for another half an hr and the déjà-vu moment that always tears our heart out was here... Kissed her beautiful face, smelled her hair, squeezed her tight into our chests and let her go... Again... Beside the screaming voice inside of me I could hear Peter, trying to talk chocking between his tears:" -How many times do I have to hand my little girl away... Inside of you,you can feel & hear your heart exploding to pieces, splashing all over your brain,numbing it as you struggle to breath while you're drowning from the wells of tears accumulated from this pain... As you sit in the waiting room you stare at the TV & no matter what's on,all you can decipher is 2135 ( her surgery procedure update number)... You stand there in a room full of supporting people but you feel so weak that even looking around seems like a chore because your tears & heartache has taken every strength away from you & you're covered in fear... Fear that stinks of weakness, little faith and purely just being a human. Than I remember my GOD. I didn't have to speak to HIM, didn't have to beg, I didn't even have to look up...all I did was, I thought of my GOD & a big smile came on my face, a fresh breath of relief & I could feel the army of his angels surrounding all of us. I felt GOD's comfort reminding me that HE is right there with me ALWAYS & I had to fear not cuz HIS love was bigger than my fear, Bigger than my human nature, HE is THE GOD that gave me the gift of motherhood, the gift of life & my trust was all I need to feel his protection over my little girl that was laying on that surgery table in the other room. The actual surgery started at 7:00 am & was supposed to last until around 11:00 am. GOD had picked out the perfect team to work on Olivia. We felt blessed seeing all of them take such good care of her. Overall everything went smoothly until they had to close her up & they hit a bit of a challenge due to the big kidney size not fitting in her belly. They tried for over an hr and finally had to call the head surgeon which thankfully was able to move all her organs up & around & finally making enough space for them to close her up... Finally after 7 hrs Olivia was all done with a new kidney thanks to the GIFT of LIFE that decided to donate al the organs to save lives, just like it did our little girl's. My heart goes out to the family of this deceased donor & I pray that GOD can bring them peace & strength during this difficult time. Thing had gone pretty smoothly until now. They told us to go up to the peds ICU to see Liv. For some reason they were having a hard time to "get everything ready" which took another 2-3 hrs. Around 4:00 pm we were able to finally see our baby... Laying there... in discomfort trying to take the oxygen mask off, fighting with the nurses :). -Livi, sweetheart mama & daddy is here. Oh I am so proud of you honey. You are so strong. Mama loves you so much -maaaaaaaaaa -oh baby don't try to talk cuz your voice is so raspy & I know you're tired. Please don't fight the mask off your face. -maaa. I. Just. - What baby. - the mask. Just. Doesn't look ... Good on meeee -oh honey, haha. You're beautiful Only Olivia can still find a way to turn every situation into a funny & happy one haha. I love that little girl with every once of my body. Thank you Olivia for teaching me everyday how beautiful life is & how not to take anything for granted.